


He Left Me.

by TylerM



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Betrayal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Leaving, M/M, Sad, Sad Liam, Sad Louis, sad everyone zayn left, this sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:57:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TylerM/pseuds/TylerM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“ZAYN LEFT!” He roars and suddenly everyone on the floor is quiet. It looks like he just metaphorically slapped Niall because while it happened and they’re dealing with it, nobody has actually said it aloud yet. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> - Aftermath of Zayn leaving and the Louis/Naughty boy incident of 2015. The boys are feeling a little bit lost without Zayn. We're all feeling a bit lost really. </p>
<p> - A bit of swearing, a lot of mad/hurt Louis and generally a terrible indulgent fic to get me through Zayn leaving. A bit sad, probably read at own risk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Left Me.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a terrible idea. Honestly it was such a bad idea, it makes me sad reading it. I just, I'm feeling very lost and confused (and I'm not going to lie, hurt) at Zayn leaving. Like the next person, I love Zayn with all my being and support him in whatever he does in the future 100 percent. I want him to be happy and healthy, but I can't help but feel, lost without him. Sad and hurt he's gone, especially for the boys and I just don't imagine they took it well. I obviously don't know anything about it personally, so disclaimer that this is a work of fiction. A bit of a bitter one too, so don't leave a comment of 'thats not how it would go' or 'Zayn didn't abandon them'. I know that, it's just a story. It's not real. If you don't like how I portrayed Zayn (which I didn't make him mean at all) then just please don't read. I'm not about to argue with anyone on the reasons why Zayn left, I am here to eat my feelings and indulge in stupid, fluffy friendship fics and cry with some people if they want to. That's totally cool. You can totally come to my inbox and cry, I will cry with you. That's okay. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you kind of enjoy. Or cry you're feelings away, that too. Have some chocolate on me, you deserve it.

Its starts off pretty normal, kind of normal.

As normal as it could probably be in this situation. They all go into auto pilot mode.

Eat, sing, sleep, repeat.

 They try not to think about it. Because the thing is _they get it_ , they understand 230 percent. Because Zayns always been far more introverted then everyone else and if anyone was going to not be able to take it, it was Zayn. Logistically it makes perfect sense and no one can hold it against him that he doesn’t want to do it anymore, sometimes they all feel that way. Eventually it was all going to be that way.

Nobody thought it would be this, _soon_. Is the thing.

In the middle of a world tour.  

So they get it, they still love him for it and he still loves them. Liam’s like 94 percent positive Zayn still loves them at least. And that’s a lot of percent in his books, better than he’s ever had with anyone from his high school he thinks.  He talks to him almost every other night and they still send funny videos. They’ll all be best men at the wedding and have a killer bucks night. Zayn is a part of all of them that can’t just be replaced or left.

But, it’s awkward still. And nothing is ever black and white.  And it’s hard. Harder than the ever thought it would be. A part of Liam wishes they weren’t all so co-dependent on this stupid 5 piece.

It’s hard to reassure the fans every day while they read in papers how unhappy Zayn was in the band, coming from the horse’s mouth himself. Liam hadn’t realised to the extent of how unhappy he was. Nobody had realised just how much Zayn apparently hated boy bands until some of those interviews came out. Like a knife twisting in the already deep wound, Liam doesn’t like to dwell on it too much. Because him and Zayn are still friends, it can’t have been that horrible, surely.

The split was amicable, despite how it looked. Zayn had come to them with his tail between his legs and tears in his eyes and if anyone had so much as yelled they would have been ridden with guilt forever. They understood, Zayn was Zayn and he couldn’t do it anymore. They wouldn’t force him to.

He loved them still, said how sorry he was but tour life wasn’t for him anymore. He wanted to see his family and his fiancé and be able to breathe again. This life was like living underwater in a fish bowl, people constantly staring at you waiting for your next mistake. Liam hasn’t so much breathed properly since 2011, he understands.

And they knew he’d been recording other stuff, they always do, always have. Each boy records and writes he’s own stuff, and for other people.  That’s not the issue. The issue is how it went down. Because suddenly Zayn left and they’re trying to pick up the pieces of their broken boyband and then shit just metaphorically, in the worst way ever, hits the fan.

Zayn left on good terms, he needed to look after himself or he’d join the 27 club with Kurt Cobain. It was a simple decision in the end, mental and physical health come before the band. Liam has always been very determined about this. Everyone has. And it was hard to watch Zayn struggle with life on the road, Liam didn’t want to continue to watch his best mate fall apart at the seams. He couldn’t.

Liam thinks _it_ starts because they all kind of, avoid it, maybe?

 Avoid isn’t the right term, either way everyone just kind of pretends like Zayn’s not really gone. They do shows without him, they cover all his parts, they take him out of the intro and accept it to fans. But for a good week after its official nobody _truly_ accepts it. Niall still talks about the 5 of them like they’re going to be together forever because its hard to transition your language from five to four.  Harry still sends them all stupid photos at random times of the day because they have a group message that nobody in their right mind is going to remove Zayn from and no ones had the heart to make a new one or at least change the name of it.  And Liam is still talking about breaks like he’s going to miss all four of his boys, when in reality he’s already aching for one of them.

He’s gone, but he’s not _really_ gone is the thing. They’re all still in a state of denial, even Zayn himself who doesn’t stop skyping them every other night.

It’s Louis who snaps first, because it’s generally always Louis. He’s quiet about it, doesn’t comment on Zayn at all. Doesn’t act like his there or not there, like he’s indifferent to the whole thing. Which, Liam can tell by the resting bitch face he’s got going on whenever someone’s mentions Zayn’s name like freaking Voldemort, this is not the case.

Liam loves Zayn. Harry loves Zayn. Niall really loves Zayn because Niall isn’t capable of half loving a person. But its Louis that Liam is truly worried about. Because Louis isn’t a person who is able to express his feelings quite so well as everyone else. Louis doesn’t like to come off as weak or vulnerable or hurt, so he lashes out with harsh words and defends himself with indifference. Its part of the reason Louis and Liam found it so hard to gel in the beginning. While Liam is a hard person to let his defences down, he’s shy and awkward about it. He’s not afraid to tell someone he’s not comfortable with them, he’s not afraid to come as scared because he tells it like it is. Louis, is similar because he hardly lets anyone in, but when he does your there for life. And it took very little time for him allow these four boys into every sphere of his life because he trusts them so much, and there are few people who deserve this trust.

Now Zayn’s gone and broken it, left him like their friendship didn’t matter. Like the band didn’t matter.

This band is everything to Louis. To all the boys really, but Louis has fought so much harder to be good enough.

Now that he’s gone, Liam’s seen Louis completely put up all his walls and shielded himself from the truth that someone he loves so much could just leave him like this. While Liam knows full well that Louis understands, he’s not quite as forgiving as Niall and Harry are about it. Louis doesn’t allow people close enough to abandon him like this, and now Liam’s not sure how to comfort him. They’re all feeling pretty shitty right now if he’s being honest, but he wants Zayn to know he cares about him so much, so he rarely is.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, goes on stage like there is no tension, smiles in all the right places. They pretend like they don’t notice it when Louis goes to talk about Zayn and abruptly snaps his mouth closed or looks to his left and realises he has no partner in crime to share this new stupid video with. They pretend like they don’t all see the strings in Louis demeanour snap.

Liam knows it’s a real issue when he suddenly realises Louis hasn’t even spoken to Zayn since the spilt. He’s on the phone to Zayn after their first concert without him, marvelling in how relaxed Zayn’s voice sounds and how he’s sleeping so much better now even despite the press. How he watched videos from the concert and says Liam smashed his little white lies solo.

Liam tries to smile but it’s strained.

“So how are the boys?” Zayn asks into the phone, which Liam thinks is weird because he’s positive he had a conversation with Niall telling him how he talked to Zayn yesterday and Harry skyped him this morning.

“They’re good,” He drawls.

Theirs an awkward silence for a moment, “I haven’t heard from Lou in a while,” Zayn sighs.

“Really?” Liam asks genuinely confused.

“Hasn’t been answering my texts, I figured he’s been busy?” It comes out as a hopeful question. One Zayn wants Liam to tell him that Louis broke his phone or lost it or has been so busy it hasn’t been glued to him like usual. A question Liam can’t answer honestly unless he admits Louis has been avoiding him.

“We’ve all been busy,” Liam settles on and Zayn just sighs.

“Yea,”

“He’ll come round, he’s just taking in hard.” Liam says slowly.

“I know, I understand. He has a right to be furious at me, probably will give me the silent treatment for ages,” He laughs but there isn’t as much humour behind it as usual. Liam wants to laugh too, but he’s a bit bitter. He doesn’t want to be but he can’t help it.

“I’m sorry, you know?” Zayn asks when theirs an awkward silence.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Liam says automatically, “It was the right thing to do. We support your decision. You know that,”

Zayn hums thoughtfully on the other end, “I know, still. I miss you guys.”

Liam misses Zayn too, but he doesn’t know how to say it without crying.

Instead he says you too, and that Paddy needs him. He hangs up in a haste and hates himself after wards.

He loves Zayn and he supports him, but it’s still fucking hard without him.

And then, the Naughty Boy incident of 2015 happens, as Niall likes to call it and again shit metaphorically hits the fan. Just when Liam thinks things will start to quiet down.

Louis is sitting on the bed in his hotel room, refreshing his phone and waiting for the annoying smug to quit being the coward he is. It’s been over 30 minutes though since he leaked the song and well, shit. He took that some kind of new level that Louis wasn’t expecting. He honestly thought he’d get the last word in on that one, but apparently that’s not happening. What the fuck is he supposed to reply to the idiot leaking a demo of Zayn? Does he realise how much this is going to hurt the fans? Does he realize how much he hurt the boys?

Harry comes bursting into his a room a minute later, angrily holding up his phone.

“Louis!” He shouts in an exhausted way, like he used to when they first begun. It was a lot fonder then it is now though.

“What?” Louis plays innocent.

Harry gives him a look with all eyebrows and Louis just rolls his eyes.

“Whatever,” Louis snaps and jumps off the bed innocent demeanour quickly lost, making his way past Harry taking extra care to push past him aggressively on the shoulder but Harry grabs his wrist firmly.

“Louis what the fuck?” Harry asks.

Louis shakes his arm out of the death grip Harry has on him and takes a step out into the hallway. Liam and Niall are out there now, ready to jump in at any moment because they’ve probably seen the tweets to. There’s Lou and Lottie down the hall and Paddy watching with them, they’re out in the hallway for everyone to see but they’ve booked out the hotel floor so they won’t be bothered by prying eyes to witness the makings of a meltdown. And you know what Louis doesn’t even fucking care.

Because he has had enough and _he_ deserves it.

“No don’t what the fuck me, that guy had it coming!” Louis snaps.

“We’re trying to keep lo about the whole thing Lou, we can’t do that. You can’t do that,” Harry tries to reason.

“No, the fuck that guy had it coming, did you see the video?” Louis shouts.

“Which one?” Niall mutters darkly but Harry cuts in,

“It doesn’t matter Lou you can’t retaliate to that, he was trying to wind you up,”

“Well it bloody worked didn’t it!?”

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Liam asks.

“What was I thinking? Liam that guy is a prick.” Louis says.

“He’s Zayn’s friend Lou,” Niall tries to reason.

“That doesn’t make him any less of a douchebag,”

“What’s Zayn going to say when he sees this?” Harry asks.

Louis barks out a harsh forced laugh because this is really hilarious now, “ZAYN LEFT!” He roars and suddenly everyone on the floor is quiet. It looks like he just metaphorically slapped Niall because while it happened and they’re dealing with it, nobody has actually _said_ it aloud.

“ZAYN LEFT! He left us. He left us, and the fans and this band. He doesn’t want to be with us anymore and I’ll be fucked if I keep pretending like he is. You’re all just happy to go around and pretend he’s still God Zayn but you know what fuck him! He left us to deal with all this mess and the pieces that came with it. And he left us for that fucker. So you know I’m really sorry if I don’t care what the fuck Zayn thinks at the moment!” Louis shouts. He’s manic now but not the good kind when he’s winning a fight, the emotional kind that’s on the verge of tears and a panic attack because that’s it.

That’s the truth right there. Zayn left. He left Louis, and Harry, and Liam and Niall and Louis doesn’t know how to deal with this.

It was meant to be them till the end, they were meant to be 50 on stage singing that What Makes You Beautiful in that stupid godforsaken formation until they physically could not sing it anymore because that song is ridiculous. It was meant to be all or nothing, none or five. One member wasn’t supposed to leave. It’s not supposed to work with four of them, they were a five piece that was each unique to the band and made it amazing. Louis is 100 percent sure if it hadn’t been them from the start this band wouldn’t be where it is today.

Maybe they should have kicked Zayn out like they planned to when he didn’t show up to that café on their first meeting together. It would have saved Louis a lot of heartache in the end.

Because now he left, he left them. And Louis has never been this upset by anything in his life.

Liam takes a hesitant step forward, “Louis I –“

“No just stop,” Louis shouts and takes a large panicked step back like a frightened animal, “Stop. Just stop all of you. Stop pretending like it isn’t happening. Stop pretending like he’s going to come back or he didn’t fucking betray us all by leaving and now shoving his stupid demo in our faces. He didn’t want to be in a band with us anymore, so he fucking left us. Zayn is gone and he’s not coming back.”

He’s crying now, there are full blown tears falling down his face and he can’t stop them even if he tried. He covers his face with both hands and tries not to sob hysterically in a corridor full of people who respect him, but he can’t do it anymore.

Everything hurts.

Arms elope around his small body and he can tell it’s Liam from the way he smells. He gladly pushes himself as close to him as possible and he’s gently lowered to the ground so they’re kneeling in an awkward embrace as Louis sobs into Liam’s arms.

“Louis,” Liam says and Lou can hear his voice crack.

“Why did leave?” Louis whispers in the most broken voice he’s probably ever used and he just fucking can’t deal with this anymore. He’s tired of being strong and pretending like it’s okay because it’s just not. Nothing has been okay since the day Zayn came to them saying he couldn’t handle it anymore.

And maybe that’s it, because while Louis is upset and angry and betrayed, he understands. He gets why Zayn had to leave, but it doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make the fact better that his best friend and partner in crime left him.

He feels abandoned.

“Its okay Lou,” Harry whispers. He’s got Harry and Niall either side of him now patting his back and keeping him grounded. He feels safer, more secure right now then he has in weeks. He needs them, he needs these boys like he needs air right now because he wouldn’t be able to cope without them.

“Naughty boys a dick Lou, when we get to London we’ll draw horns on all his posters and ding dong ditch his apartment, send him a flaming bag of crap,” Niall laughs but its strained from crying.

Louis actually laughs out loud because it’s such a stupid suggestion but he knows Niall would probably go through with it just to make Louis feel better.  

He detaches one hand he has fisted into Liam’s shirt holding on for dear life to randomly reach out behind him and grab Niall around the neck in a thank you hug. Harry grabs on to his waist tightly resting on his back. They’re a mess of limbs, wet and gross from crying and sitting on a corridor floor of a hotel that looks like it’s from The Shinning with probably an audience of awkward crew members but Louis doesn’t care. At least he has these four boys.

They didn’t even cry this much when Zayn announced he was leaving. That had been a mess of almost tears and reassurance of we’ll always be a band. But there wasn’t yelling or sobbing. Louis probably should have seen this coming in reality.

“He didn’t mean to abandon us,” Liam says, because Liam is the voice of reason who loves Zayn with all his heart.

And Louis knows he didn’t mean to abandon them. Louis was there when Zayn burst into tears the night he was accused of cheating and Louis held him whenever he was painfully homesick and Louis was the first one to hug him after he told them he couldn’t do it anymore, telling him it was okay and they understood. Because he does understand.

It just still freaking sucks.

“I know,” Louis whispers.

“We’ll be okay though, the four of us.” Harry says into Louis back, muffled by his shirt and Louis can feel the vibrations.

Louis knows it’s not going to be the same, and he knows it’s going to be really fucking hard. He knows the possibility of them staying together after the contract and he knows the likelihood of their next album sales dropping and tour readily decreasing because of this. And frankly he doesn’t even give a flying fuck about all the technical details, because it’s mostly going to kill him to get on stage every other night and pretend like there’s not this massive gaping Zayn shaped hole in his life that is never likely to be full again.

But, he also knows he’ll be okay. That they’ll get through it.  

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure this is the last fic I will ever set in 2015, from now on everything is set in like 2012 with Zayn haha


End file.
